As I watched each granule of sand slip away, I panicked. Fighting with baited breath, I desperately attempted to turn back the hands of time. I grabbed the hourglass struggling to force the tiny grains back into the narrow opening. I bargained with the Lord, “Give me more time, I’m not ready.” But the problem wasn’t time, it was the anointing. The anointing had run out.
Time and time again, I’ve tried and failed to live off oil from an old anointing. I tend to cling to old and dead things. I’m sentimental and nostalgic in that way. I’ll watch the same movie hundreds of times and choose an old and familiar tv show over one I’ve never seen before. There’s something about knowing exactly what happens that is strangely comforting. This extends to clothes that are so not my style anymore but have a strong memory attached. And occasionally I’ve leave dead flowers on my shelves because there is something heart wrenching about throwing away something that was once beautiful. Even now four jewel tone vases sit atop my shelves twinkling in the light, containing flowers. Dead, but remaining.
While these examples may seem trivial, they portray an accurate depiction of my proclivities. And, yes, I’m aware this is a weakness of mine. But the Lord is gently, but firmly, teaching me the humble art of letting go. A healthy and holy practice. Since I’ve become a bit of a ministry nomad the last six years, it’s become a necessity. Nomads, by definition, are more accustomed to going than staying. And while I am a loyalist and pour everything, I am into something, I’ve come to understand that when it comes to being called in a position, an open-posture posture of surrender is required. So, the dead and old things I’ve been holding onto? They need to go.
Last year I penned these words not knowing they were meant for my future self, “We were not meant to be grave tenders- to watch over dead things. But we were made for more- to cultivate the living and participate in the flourishing.”
In my own strength, I run myself ragged. Too many times I’ve attempted to hold onto old and dead things, expecting the Lord to bless them.
To the old, he says, “Don’t you see that something new is springing up. You have to lay down the old?” (Isaiah 43:19)
To the dead he says, “Why do you search for the living among the dead?” (Luke 24:5)
Too often we stay in one place because it is familiar, safe, and known, even though it’s clear the anointing has run out. It’s time to stop living off the anointing of yesterday. To stop singing the same old song and embrace the joys of a new season.
Likewise some anointings are seasonal. They are purposed for a particular time and the anointing oil is finite. It’s limited. The Lord drew boundaries on time and he made seasons with great purpose. Over and over again in scripture, I’ve seen this truth depicted. When David received an anointing from the Holy Spirit, the Spirit left Saul, signally the end of the anointing. Jesus was anointed first at his baptism when the dove landed on his shoulder, again to continue his ministry when Mary anointed him at Bethany, and then he told his disciples, “But now I am going away to the one who sent me…it is best for you that I go away because if I don’t the advocate won’t come” (John 16:7) Jesus’ anointing was ending and the Holy Spirit’s was beginning.
In response, I’ve learned to go where the grace is- the yeses I’ve said along the way are due to awareness of the Lord’s presence, sensing a fresh encounter, and following his movement. I’ve learned to hold things, even people loosely. To ask for a continual fresh anointing of his Holy Spirit.
“I have been anointed with fresh oil.”
Psalm 92:10
Here’s a little taste of where the Lord has brought me over the last six years.
Master’s in Christian Counseling Graduation- 2019
Counseling Intern Day 1- 2018
The Arise Movement Ministry- 2021
First Published with Truly Magazine- Fall 2022
Speaking on a Panel- Winter 2022
Final Arise Event- May 2024
Launching Soul Care Initiative at Church- August 2024
Regularly Hosting and Announcements at church- October 2024
How do I know if the anointing has run out?
Do I feel as if I am running off my own strength or do I sense the fresh power and presence at work- refueling me and providing strength? Do I notice myself striving and trying to force my own way?
Grace has a rhythm of ease. When it feels as if you are fighting against the grain, it might be an indication you’re attempting to operate in your own strength. Perhaps its time to release your control, let go, and find a freedom and joy you’ve never known.
Oh Jesus,
Forgive me for holding onto things in the past you’ve asked me to lay down.
I surrender and thank you for the fresh, new ways you’re allowing me to encounter your Spirit.
I am so thankful for all you are doing now. Don’t let me hang around graves when you’ve called me into the land of the living. You’ve put a new song in my mouth and I will sing for joy all that you are doing and continue to do. I open my hands, Lord. Do what you will. Thank you for seasons and the reminder that you make everything beautiful for its own time.
Prepare me for what’s next as I embrace this next wholehearted YES
Beautiful message, Kierstin ~ thank you so much!
So lovely, Kierstin. Thank you! I am applying this to my life today. I, too, have dead flowers.